A Funny Thing Happened When I Was Typing My Suicide Note…

https://goo.gl/7AUMc6

I was going to kill myself two and a half weeks ago. Calm down, it’s cool; I didn’t. I’m sure most of you who follow me have seen me post about how long it’s been since I quit alcohol. It’s coming up on 21 months now and that’s pretty incredible for someone who was addicted to crack and heroin in their mid-20's. But I had a secret (not just the dolls buried underneath old man Wiggins’ abandoned cabin). I never said I was sober. I went out of my way never to use that word, because I wasn’t. I’ve been smoking pot since I was 18 and never stopped. Today, I have 15 days completely sober and I don’t think I should write these words which is exactly why I’m going to.

I’ve battled depression since I was a teenager. I’ve had two suicide attempts in my life. This last time was different. Before I get into that, let me talk about pot. Rather, here’s what pot did to me (instead of making sweeping generalizations): it slowly choked to death every good quality about me.

The last three years I have been a terrible human being. I didn’t remember people’s birthdays and, much like Janice in accounting, I just didn’t give a fuck. I stopped going out of my way to make drawings or music mixes for my friends. I started three different screenplays that I got two pages into then stopped. I was that guy that would post things like, “BIG THINGS HAPPENING!” “JUST YOU WAIT!” “HONK IF YOU’RE HORNY AND A VIETNAM VET!” (okay… maybe not that last one). I lost weight, which was scary because on a good day I weighed as much as a scarecrow full of wheat, because I was always worried. Worried about being found out as a fraud. My older brother and his amazing wife had a daughter and last week, after two years, I bought the first present I’ve ever gotten for her. That’s simultaneously pathetic and awesome (the fact, not the gift. The gift was a dope construction doo-hickey that she loves).

I started therapy today and am going to meetings again. I feel like my life has meaning and I have worth. I have an amazing job where I get paid to write jokes.