http://goo.gl/odU8gM
For some people who survive a near-death experience, whether it’s war or rape or a plane crash, trauma eventually dissipates. But for others, like me, it imprints itself into the neurology permanently. Decades of psychologists and group sessions and yoga and meditation are comforting but don’t necessarily “fix” what has been altered. The nightmares, the long inexplicable crying spells, the tendency to freeze and to go silent without warning, and the rages make you feel as if you’re irreparable. As if you’ll never be normal.
I didn’t start consistently taking medication for my severe PTSD symptoms until my 30s. Despite surviving two suicide attempts by age 22, taking psychiatric medication seemed to go against everything I stood for, and every time I was mandated to take it I eventually let it taper off. There was nothing wrong with me, I thought—there was something wrong with what had happened to me. If I kept fighting, I would eventually cross the line into normalcy. Why should I have to alter my brain chemistry after everything I already suffered? Why should I become a prescription drug zombie just to keep going?