In the scientific literature, a clear correlation had been found between being autistic and an increased risk for experiencing sexual violence during adulthood; a recent small-scale study detailing the general experiences of autistic females found that 9 of 14 had been sexually abused, many of them by their partners. But I found no systematic studies specifically regarding the prevalence and causes of domestic abuse within romantic relationships. It was almost as if this paradigm simply hadn’t occurred to researchers as something to look into.
Given this combination of ableism and lack of research, I decided to dig further into the issue myself. I began by joining and then posting a rather tentative ad on a closed Facebook group for autistic adults, in order to ask if anyone had any relevant stories to share for an article. I didn’t think I’d get many, or even any, replies, due to the traumatic and private nature of the question.
I was wrong.
The very next day, I found my inbox flooded with message requests from autistic people who had been continually subjected to domestic abuse, and who felt their abuse hadn’t been taken seriously. The response was so overwhelming that, over the following days, I was compelled to continue digging deeper — speaking, in the end, to literally dozens of survivors, as well as to experts and clinicians.
The personal stories were harrowing. One autistic woman told me of being punched in the stomach by her abuser when she was eight months pregnant, while neurotypical people looked on without saying anything. An autistic man told me about how a narcissist moved into his house and convinced him to look after her young children while she stole his disability allowance, before racking up thousands of pounds worth of bills and then suddenly leaving him — penniless.
Some, especially females, but also males, feared for their lives due to threats and acts of violence. Many reported developing the symptoms of post-traumatic stress — including flashbacks, anxiety, and suicidal ideation — after ending their relationship.